beyhand

My Brother Graduated....but my dad is here



So father hate, this whole thing where eventually every person in there twenties begins to realize they hate there father and don't know how to fix it. And I know this sounds terrible, but fuck it I'm depressed. Every time the guy visits I feel like I'm in hell. It's not like my dad doesn't love or care for me or my family but its just hard dealing with him being such a close minded madman who thinks he is always right and just doesn't really understand how to be a good father(was gone for like most of my childhood and all). I just want support and to be excepted by my parents, for them to be happy that I am doing what I love. To appreciate all that I do for my family. IDK just venting.....Feeling true jubilation for my big brother amidst my sadness though so theres that. Oh and I'm out of college for the summer so alcohol and drugs here I come.
  • Current Mood: aggravated aggravated
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beyfire

Stranger to this World

I'm dealing with a loss. Worse than I have ever known, for the longest time I felt alone in this world. I felt like I would never be seen. Like I just existed and no matter what, no one would ever see the real me. Than I met someone who I though could see me. I had never felt so close to someone in my life, it was a dark and glorifying feeling...to be seen. To be so open to someone and not be turned away. I saw years of my life with this person there, I saw myself very happy, and never alone.

But I was wrong, after two years, I was walked out on; and left completely alone, a world teeming with color faded very sharply to grey. I was told they felt like they "didn't really know me". It nearly killed me. And now I just keep asking myself all these hows? After two years, how could you say that you didn't know me? How, when you were so integral to my new found sense of world. I needed you, and you just walked away. How could you be without me when I thought us so close. How could I be so sure, more sure than I have ever been my whole life about someone and be so wrong. And worst of all, how could I feel all these things, and you not feel at all the same.
  • Current Mood: sad sad
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